Written by: Secret Weapon the Writer (Tracey F.M. Diarra)
January 2, 2013
Try envisioning the universe with you alone spinning in the center of it with no connections or anything to hold on to? You are just suspended in the middle of greatness and a need to share what you are seeing and feeling cannot happen because you are there alone. Doesn’t it feel better to have someone there to hold on to, share your thoughts with, and give you some feedback on your view? That is the very reason that relationships are important to have and maintain. Without a relationship on some level, one can’t tune his or hers own self awareness with what’s important or not important, what’s beneficial to one’s successes, and what’s real or not real.
So why not connect to someone and be emotionally tied with the risk of being disappointed? Emotional ties are built in special or specific relationships producing a euphoric feeling that we call love or hate. Most people will strive for love because it sure feels better than hate. Some people prefer to go it alone and endure the negative side effects of not connecting with others; being that they have reached out to feel the release of love’s energy and the power of love did not last and the feelings of hurt set in its place.
Ultimately, people increase in business, journey educational pursuits, begin family building, and grow a sense of duty to community and others when they connect with long-term people in their life and are admired by others. The grim side to this love power is that the lack of it will lower a person’s expectations and it lowers the human drive to win, compete, and increase their self awareness and self love.
It’s been said that some people feel love all by themselves but the truth of this is that without something stimulating the release of the love endorphin, it cannot happen. Something or someone has to be the object of attraction, interest, or the pawn that solicits the next triggering of loves release.
Therefore, people engage in certain activities to solicit the “love” from others or the support from others to meet their own personal growth goals: Hidden goals or self disclosed goals. It feels good and it’s healthy when more than just you admire you. Nevertheless, love is thrown loosely and the term relationship is seldom defined by its levels which make friendships and courtships come and go. But, for 2013, it could be a great goal to just work on maintaining the different levels of relationship that all people share. This in turn will help with that increase of the love in intimate relationships as well and one’s own sense of love for life that all people strive for.
So what is love?
Love is a chemical endorphin that provides human beings with a natural high euphoric feeling. This feeling of love that is produced is like any other drug; it can make us or break us. It’s a feeling that upon seeing a person, touching them, connecting with them in positive ways, and knowing that they are into you, it causes one to want this feeling over and over again: Love is very addictive. And yes one can determine whether their feeling is lust or love.
One can determine if their feeling is love by one simply question, “Does this feeling have a sexual connection?” If the answer is yes, then you don’t have love but you have lust.
With that being said, please try this test to determine if your relationship is filled with love:
Love Secret’s Test:
Answer yes or no. See scale at bottom of test for results.
1). Does your love turn you on?
2). Does your love make efforts to listen to you?
3). Does your love value your opinion?
4). Does your love share intimate personal items with you like blankets, a drinking cup together, or wears your jacket or slippers?
5). Does your love light your fire?
6). Does your love become irritated if they cannot see or contact you?
Written by Secret Weapon the Writer (aka Tracey F.M. Diarra)
November 12, 2012
Veterans Day 2012
Veterans Day is usually observed on November the 11th of each year and on a Monday. This year Veterans Day is being observed on November 12th. It doesn’t matter on which day this Federal holiday is observed, just as long as it is observed to pay tribute to the brave men and women who serve our country and serve our country’s military forces. It takes a human soul that is filled with compassion to be committed to something bigger than they are and dedicate their life to ensure that others are safe and have the right to liberty, justice, and freedoms: This is an example of selflessness.
Maya Angelou, one of American’s greatest author and poet said this about Veterans Day, “How important it is for us to recognize and celebrate our heroes and she-roes!”
To all veterans of not just the military but for all service committed troops, I salute you and thank you for your services: The Military personnel, Firefighters, Law Enforcement members, Paramedics, and many more who give themselves to danger to keep others with their entitled liberties and safety.
Mother’s Day is a day to reflect how wonderful mothers’ are, to remind ourselves of their selflessness, and to say thank you. This day is very well deserved. May God be with the many families today, who have lost their mothers in battles against cancer, accidental death, and broken hearts’. May God bless the mothers living to continue the struggle of life and remember that God admires and bless you more than any of his creations because he knew that you would wear the crown jewel of tolerance better than your own companions. There is no one on the face of the earth more tolerant than a mother. She needs to be celebrated, admired, and appreciated today and everyday for the gem of a trait of tolerance. She uses tolerance mercifully toward us all, just as God has been doing for years without ceasing; by this, a mother is God’s prized possession for supporting and healing someone broken hearted or misguided and lost in the world. She never gives up on what she dearly loves. She is loyal to her matriarchal position [for some mothers] and is honored to dwell in a land that appreciates her efforts to love and care for what she has born to the world.
The tolerance of a mother can be defined by dictionaries and encyclopedias, but when you have a mother that has been there for you, even when all else has put you down and broken your heart, one can define her beyond the four definitions given for tolerance. A mother is the supreme example, exemplary, and cannot be duplicated. She is the master copy of life the way God wants his world governed, by her loving examples only, which a man often deeply resents by his own lack of knowledge. Everything about a mother is about someone else, she is selfless and today and always she needs to be respected and admired.
Look back today at all you have taken your mother through: From the days you felt you wanted to drop out of school, runaway with your first love and desert her, loud talk her and cuss her out, didn’t want to go to church, hated her for giving you the discipline you needed, and remembered her tears no more once you got out of prison and re-entered a world that cannot love you the way that she could. Tolerance: Mothers are very tolerant and everyone should be thanking God that she is tolerant because without the tolerance of a mother or wife, the people in the world would not last as long as they have. She is God’s angel and champion, dwelling among the ungrateful, bitter, broken hearted all the while keeping a smile on her face when she can. Many love their mother with all their heart and this day alone is not good enough for them, for they know that their mother deserves way more than one day of their time and affection, and are happy to recognize her graceful ways knowing that only a God can bless and ordain such a gem. Happy Mother’s Day and thank you for not abandoning me, when times got hard, you deserve all of my love, each and every day.
Part 3: Title: Who’s Most Important in Your Relationship?
Written by: Tracey Diarra aka Secret Weapon the Writer
January 6, 2012
Touching hands
How to build the brightest star in your relationship? Men and women need to know who they are. Everyone is not Bonnie and Clyde or Clark Kent and Miss Lang material and should not be force to be so. They can only be who they are and encourage them as such and support what you have grown to know of them based on what they present to you and what they ask and need of your support for them to do. This means open your eyes and ears and listen to what they say they are and how the act. This will reveal if their talk is matching their actions. It doesn’t take a life time to know someone; it should take a few weeks. If they neglect or lie to you early, it’s a good chance that they’ll be treating you the same way throughout the new found relationship, so take heed. What are their individual weaknesses and strengths? Do you make a good match and why? Don’t just ask yourself, but ask someone not close to you or him, and get an unbiased opinionated evaluation. They must know how those weaknesses and strengths will build this relationship, idle the relationship, and can also break the relationship apart. Here is an easy list that can be applied to both genders:
1. Encouragement with warmth for him or her-affirm gratefulness with appreciative words, inclusion making him or her feel there are no secrets and that their opinions add value to what you are building together, build esteem by combining your strengths and weakness and asking if he or she noticed that things are good or better when certain things are done; express how it fills both of your lives with pleasure and happiness. Be supportive verbally saying good job or awesome. Use non-verbal communicating using human touch to hold hands or rub his or her neck and ears while talking. Remember some men and women don’t like this kind of affection, so be sure that they like touching; and if they do, don’t overdo it. Make it a gradual thing to touch them, but not all the time. Hopefully they begin to enjoy it and ask you to touch them in that way more often.
No one wants to do six loads of laundry, cook dinner, tend to the pets, address the teachers at school for children, and wear high-heels in sexy fish-net stockings; when no one that she has done work for will come to kiss her over the shoulders and say, “Hey thanks dear.” A man or woman that does all of the keeping the household together need hugs, thank you, help them sometime by doing some of the chores together. You can kiss each other, give greeting cards, or allow them a day to have for themselves alone.
Telling a man to have a good morning and giving him some attention while he is getting ready for work in the morning is encouragement for him. Men can help make baby bottles or get the car warmed up. Some people will lay on their pillow and ignore him while they continue to sleep their best dream into play. Get involved with going to work or any other time that your partners are leaving the home. This prevents some woman or man from unintentionally catching each other’s attention on the way to work; that attention is like foreplay, it will give him or her the attention that one should have given while you chose to sleep on. Choosing to sleep is a bad alternative and will seriously erode the relationship over time.
Make his day or evening by meeting his day or evening as you sit up fully alert and give him some real attention from your heart. Touch the basics: Smile, mention something good he has done with something little, ask can you help him with something like setting his shower temperature, or packing him a lunch. Tell him you are available no matter what your job hours are, if he needs you, give him a way to contact you in case of emergencies. Tell him to have a wonderful day and you’ll see him after work. Give him a passionate kiss or hug. Let him know that no matter what the day brings in challenges on your time, that you and him have the entire world together and being together is all the strength you both need.
2. Get Involved-Getting involved means two things: Get involved in your relationship and get involved in your community. This will reevaluate the relationship and keep it growing for the betterment of its life. The courage to change and make things better works well with getting involved. When both men and women seek the best for each other and support each other’s ideas with the “I know you can” attitudes and “I’ll be there by your side” securities, there is nothing that can stop you both from shining: You become the brightest stars in your household, on your block, in the work place, and wherever you are. Keep your relationship involved in other activities, not just intimacy, household chores, and paying bills. Relationships are more than dependency and individual push and pull, its moral support systems. Where one or the other gets worn out and fall out of love or the need for a relationship with you, it happens because lack of support lead to an end of the relationship. Relationship are work but that effort put into it will make the latter years of that relationship comfortable.
Visit the children’s school, or if you have no children, volunteer at a school, find a hobby that you can make money from and begin the process of collecting up your items to eventually cash them out and maybe plan a romantic vacation from the profits. Grow some plants together or do an experiment that you both have to watch and maintain. Share the joy of watching the results unfold…keep your love alive! Bake some sweets for his friends or he can bake or grill your friend’s something which is a very important aspect of involvement. If you cannot accept their activities outside of the household nor can you accept that there are other relationships outside of your immediate and personal relationship that aren’t as personal as what you two may have together; remember that those relationships help maintain the person that you fell in love with in the first place. Do your best to understand that external needs of one another and respect it.
BOTTOMLINE: IF THERE IS NO INVOLVEMENT, THERE IS NO REAL RELATIONSHIP. SEXUAL ENCOUNTERS ARE NOT THE CENTER OF A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP, BUT INVOLVEMENT WITH ONE ANOTHER IS. YOUR RELATIONSHIP SHOULD BE LIKE A TEAM.
Here is a test: If your partner had to go away on a business meeting for several days, does he or she does A or B below before leaving the home?
A. Leaves you with things like having sex one good last time or has something special for you to keep you occupied until he or she return and gives you a way to contact him or her in case of emergencies.
B. Leaves by having good sex one last good time and gives you no way to contact him or her.
I need not explain because you are smart enough to understand; but I will say again, that if there is no involvement with a team like activities between the two of you, then you really need to reevaluate or break that relationship off.
Answer to the title question: Both men and women are important in the relationship. It doesn’t matter what lifestyle that you built the relationship on. Two or more must exist in connecting with each other in order to classify it as a relationship.
Part 2: Title: Who’s Most Important in Your Relationship?
Written by: Tracey Diarra aka Secret Weapon the Writer
January 6, 2012
Sharing Affection
Men are forgetting that family and personal relationships need a balance of every element that makes that family or relationship up. Some men are beginning to recognize it and some women aren’t investigating it enough to keep the men in their lives and the family held together. Each woman must know her soil capabilities and a man must be a seed worth planting if they both plan to get to the point of being the brightest stars.
Women are not that complicated for men to figure out that she will hold the family together because of her gifts in the nature or design of who she is; unless he gives her reasons to feel unappreciated, useless, disrespected, not seen, not heard, and emotionally neglected. In addition, physically neglected and abandoned of her when he runs off to cheat, or finds a new interest in hobbies to replace her. Yet, she is beautiful, intelligent, listens to you, caters to egos, super creative in the home and garden areas, goes out of her way to please the world, makes a great approver or your ideas for yea or nay support when you need it, can be very funny, and keeps everyone happy when she’s happy. Heck, she’ll be similar to Bonnie in the movie, Bonnie and Clyde.
Men are not that complicated to figure out as well, they are bond seekers by egoism, brotherhoods, affiliation of something mucho, bragging rights, superiority above everything including their woman, child, and possessions. In addition, they don’t like when women admit that they have figured them out. Men want to be mysterious and complex and the creator of the world around them, when really they are just the opposite. They’re more like the little boy whose mother placed him on a pedestal and pretended to obey him to make him feel good. This boy grew up and believed the entire world around him was suppose to bow down and grab everything from the kitchen cabinet trying to please him; while she’s his clothes in this ancient wash pail, sweating, bent over, smiling, and picking him up, entertaining him with kisses, when she was really working her behind off for everybody in that household to be happy by the end of the day knowing daily chores are done. Men are simple, cater to him, with just a touch of resistance, and be independent without showing him that you’re more intelligent than he is by far, and sex him enough to bring him back because he trusts you…he’ll be yours if you maintain this cycle. Let him think, he’s the boss! Yet, his is muscular or suitable for your likings and taste of men, clever, hardworking, inventive, humorous, Mr. Right, and wonderful to be around. Heck, he’ll be like Clark Kent as an undercover Superman when you need him.
Remember, that stars are born by creations of element mixing, shine brightly when mixed well, then actualize its life and later die. So our relationships are as such to grow big and beautiful then grow old and die gracefully like a star does.
President Barack Obama’s 2012 SOTU Historic Address
Written by: Tracey F.M. Diarra aka Secret Weapon the Writer
January 24, 2012
The 2012 State of the Union Address to the United States Congress and citizens of our proud America was the most profound SOTU address that I’ve ever witnessed in all my life. President Barack Obama started his campaign for the presidency in 2008 with a slogan that said, “Hope for Change” and this SOTU address was just that: A real plan with real promises that can be achieved as long as we are joined in a common purpose together to make America stronger than ever.
The state of the Union address covered:
Start a new tax code that eliminate the loopholes and tax breaks for corporate giants that outsource jobs overseas. This code will not give these companies tax deductions and tax breaks for sending jobs overseas. These new tax codes will give companies that bring job back to America lower taxes and increase taxes for the companies that want to continue outsourcing.
America will begin to export our made in America brands automobiles to South Korea, Columbia, and Panama.
America will continue to sanction China for counterfeit products and selling products in America that were not inspected for quality and value and were not made in an illegal sweatshop.
Education: Make it a requirement that all America students remain in High School until they reach and complete the 12th grade or become 18 years old.
Make immigrant’s naturalization process approved for there is 24% legal immigrants that are scientist qualified and 47% who are engineer qualified in America. This will aid in training and teaching other Americans in those fields. This will aid in increasing and covering our need to have the career fields of science and engineering in America filled that are available now but there are not enough qualified candidates to do the job.
In addition to the available science and engineering, the internet and hi-tech fields are increasing, and will be our future. We can meet these demands and increase and create programs to make it easier for American students to obtain the education for these fields and succeed in these fields.
Promises of clean energy to eliminate the dependency on foreign oils and energy. Investing in Shale gas, public drilling in America on America’s soils, and building and using more sources like wind turbines and bio fuels.
Eliminate tax breaks to oil and energy companies.
Build a better broadband network so rural America can connect with their small business online stores around the world.
Continue to strengthen our infrastructure with a $3,000 homeowner refinance program and more construction jobs for building homes, roads, and bridges.
Wall Street reform and banks will now have to sign a Living Will of how they will pay so that depositors of the bank will not be used in high risk investments and left to hold the bag when these banks fail like the big bail-out America had to do to cover the irresponsibility and corrupt regulations that did not protect the bank depositors.
Stop tax hikes.
Use the New Buffett Rule: Millionaires will pay taxes no less than 30%. Stop subsidizing millionaires in America.
Band inside trading in Congress and add a 90 day voting process for Judiciary committees on Capitol Hill.
Bottom line, President Obama gave so much for Americans to think about and how well America can be for living and earning fair wages, fair share of success, better healthcare systems, and make the dream for all achievable. He ended his address with a quote by President Abraham Lincoln, who was a republican, “…the government should do for the people what they cannot do for themselves and no more.” Mr. President went on to say that American will be a no bail out, no hand outs, and no cop-out America. If anyone thinks America is declining financially, they are wrong because America has gradually brought troops home overseas from Afghanistan and has completely brought troops home from Iraq; and our manufacturing industries from technologies to auto makers have greatly improved. There have been over 500 reforms with Obama in office that stopped nonsense regulations and “just don’t make sense bills” that sat on Capitol Hill. As long as America understands and join together, there will be nothing that Americans can’t do, have, or achieve.
P.S…our borders are safer now and Osama Bin Laden is no longer a threat.
Written by: Tracey F.M. Diarra Aka Secret Weapon the Writer
January 10, 2012
Hello and greetings…please assist me in repairing our relationships for generations to come.
This nation and this world still have many gender issues to solve. Many are very sexist. It will take both men and women to lessen the impact these sexist and gender based views create. All people need healing from this damage of a globalized, industrialized, and stereotyped society.
What do you suggest and what do you follow, other than religious claims that no one seems to adhere to, to create new relationships that lessen these sexist and gender based views?
Do you think there is a chance for family values and loyalty amongst friends? Why or why not?
Do you see most human beings are sexually deviant? Why?
Do you think if you hold up to strong values for the relationships that you build today, that those who encounter you will take your role and mimic those roles? Why or why not?
If Free Will is so given by God, does that remove God from any control with the distasteful behaviors that people are allowing to live by today? Why or why not?
If you are happy and content with whom you are, are you creating happiness for the new relationships you build? If you are not happy with whom you are and you meet someone new do you find yourself resenting that person for no apparent reasons? What could be done differently?
Thank you…if you have any questions for me please send them.
I would love to help rekindle the man and woman relationship; however it seems that the flight from slavery had not given us structure with our freedom and liberties, and of course being removed far from God in our minds, did we run about wildly producing a generation of the seven sins and more which is out of control to an extent.
I have an 11 year old son and he has no role models. My husband of which is his father was deported. Most men I meet can’t read. Most men I meet will not say hello because I don’t look the part. Most men I meet will not step forward because of their hurt. Most men I meet just simply does not like me and would rather compete against my experience, knowledge, and understanding. Most men I meet see me as just a piece of meat and a place to gain pleasure on one level alone. The roles are changing and men must be supportive of women too today. Years ago in the past, woman solely supported man and his ideas because of social rules. Those days are gone! We must find peace and a common ground to build the relationships that we NEVER had here in America!
Anyways, I’m raising him (my son) very virtuous and he does adhere to it embracing sciences, math, and more…and he knows it’s going to be hard for him to find a soul-mate amongst his generation. He’s noticing their behaviors and sees that there is something going -on in people that is not of the good. I promised him that I would do all I can to encourage other people to raise their daughters in a manner pleasing to our natural essence to create a chance that one day he’ll meet a respectable woman with values better than the values of most families today. http://www.ablacksheepsociety.com and http://www.ablacksheepsociety.wordpress.com are a few of my sites.
Part 1: Title: Who’s Most Important in Your Relationship?
Written by: Tracey Diarra aka Secret Weapon the Writer
January 6, 2012
Tracey on the beach
“A tree firmly rooted cannot stand alone; therefore the soil around it will keep it nourished, well balanced, while giving it a harness of the earth’s weight to withstand the impact of hurricanes and disease.” (Diarra, 2011) “We as women have been the soil for so many growths in society, why not continue the order of growth amongst all people, mentally and spiritually? Spiritually doesn’t mean by religion but by human compassion, encouragement, sharing of each one’s knowledge and skills, and finding that none is greater than the other and that each is a necessary atom in a recipe of the BRIGHTEST STAR!” (Diarra, 2011)
The Brightest Stars took many years to build. It was born from a mix of gas and dust particles that make up a Nebula; and over years the Nebulus become stars and a star that shines brightest in its adult life [See video here to witness the birth of a star http://documentarystorm.com/nebulas/]. In addition, stars have a beginning, infancy, adulthood, and death, just as human beings do. We as humans have a lot to learn from the development of a star. A star cannot be made without the help of other elements; thus human beings cannot reach the well-rounded individual brightest star stage with a sound mind and good heart, when their support systems were people whom never been built up fully by the particles of other people throughout their life to become the brightest stars.
History has shown women of all races and nationalities being the boot straps for men. Women maintain the home front during wartimes, natural disasters, migration support as their spouses seek employment or jobs, when men are sick, and she also continues to live his legacies to world and family when he dies. She’s an unsung hero. Mother’s Day as a holiday and Women’s Day conferences is not enough to express: The honor, bravery, commitment, human compassion, selflessness, suffering, and supreme essence of a woman to men and life itself. Just as the verses written above states, “A tree firmly rooted cannot stand alone; therefore the soil around it will keep it nourished, well balanced, while giving it a harness of the earth’s weight to withstand the impact of hurricanes and disease” so is a woman this soil and soil-keeper (Diarra, 2011).
STAY TUNED FOR PARTS 1 & 2 to this blog articles that can help your relationships grow with some great tips…COMING SOON!
[This is a mock press release from a project I had on celebrities...here is what I found and delivered in my press release]
Immediate Release: Habitat for Humanity Bon Jovi’s World
Cincinnati, OH: October 27, 2011-Metal band musicians have always had that stereotype that they were drug addicts and loved wild parties and polluted the youth with distasteful devil worshipping signage and messages. Bon Jovi’s message is clear; his music is his talent and gifts to entertain. He has shown the world that his music is not a selfish notion by this drive within him for humanitarian causes; Jon Bon Jovi, as early as sixteen years old, has kept his heart and mind focused on music. Born as John Francis Bongiovi, in 1962, native of New Jersey, Bon Jovi was given an opportunity to actualize his dream of being a musician and be able to do the things that people given wealth could do (Jovi, 2011). On October 24, 2006, in Americus, Georgia, Bon Jovi was named the first Founding Ambassador of Habitat for Humanity program as part of the International-nonprofit organization’s advocacy outreach program (Habitat, 2006). Today Bon Jovi is using social media channels and the internet to further his reach and engagement with success, accomplishments and awards, and commitment and awareness to helping families in need of clean shelter and a safe home.
Bon Jovi has several websites for communities at www.philadelphiasoul.com and an official website at www.bonjovi.com to network and increase awareness of the need that people have to secure safe shelter. He is using Facebook and Twitter and his Facebook page has received 14,487,549 million likes (Jovi, 2011). Bon Jovi has videos on YouTube and has become the 2nd richest band in the world with $125 milliondollars worth of albums sold. He has also reached online and offline audiences of metal and rock band fans and country music fans since his award winning project with the band Sugarland. His recent collaboration with Sugarland and album release of “Who Say You Can’t Go Home” was Bon Jovi’s heart again to give to those less fortunate than him (Habitat, 2006).
The “Who Say You Can’t Go Home” album made number one on the country music charts and Bon Jovi gave $1 million dollars of the album sales to help the homeless and further develop the Philadelphia Soul Charitable Foundation. Bon Jovi has been involved with Habitat for Humanity since 2005 by having a humble beginning of which he provided the funds for building six homes for families that year (Habitat, 2006).
He went on to aid tsunami and hurricane victims, of which he gave personal hours of his own time as well as large sums of money toward donations. In the year of 2000, he also extended his passions to assist presidential campaigns that stood behind messages and actions toward lifelong humanitarian efforts for helping people and communities.
Everyone deserves a chance or two for love. The dating sites online are not producing that. The dating sites are doing great with making money; however creating happy endings for seekers of love, it’s not happening. There are some who find love on these sites for they have been honest in the beginning on the sites and that kept the relationship on the right path.
After studying 200 black men and what they expect from the dating sites, in the age range of 37-48, across America, it is clear that black men are surface driven. Even when trying to mask the idea of being surface driven (which some deny in being), they eventually get back around to that surface instead of the women’s true worth and value to the relationship.
What do I mean about surface?
I meant surface as being hair and skin color and the woman’s body. It was discovered that black men who say that they do not desire white women often are not being true on this. From this study, they are more attracted to a woman that has white women attributes more or less. Some of the men said that they wanted a black woman with natural hair and no make-up: The flip to this is that when they were presented with a choice between the two women of color, of which one had a permed hair style and the other woman had natural pulled back style to adorn her face, they never picked the naturally beautiful black woman. Each man had chosen the woman with the permed hair…some of those same men, didn’t even try to check the profile of the natural women. Yet they said that that is the type of woman they desired: A natural woman. Therefore a more natural choice outside of black women would be women who have to do less with their hair types and those who have naturally straight or wavy hair. I hope everyone knows that most African American women use perming of the hair and without it for some, the hair is going to be naturally curly not kinky as some people think. I had viewed a few hair strands under a microscope from African American women and the strands were not kinky or nappy, it was in a spiral.
Then the second big finding surfaced: Nudity, sexuality, sex for creation, sex for lunch and dinner.
The men on the websites asked for cell phone numbers and demanded nude photos before even asking what the woman’s name was. If you do not send them a nude or half dressed photo, they will not talk to you for a long time to build a real relationship. They’ll talk long enough to get the photo by any means and if they cannot get the photo, the hello baby stops immediately and on to the next one who will. It is ridiculous how all 200 men on the dating site would say these things to get women to send nude snap shots to cell phones or video sharing of their bodies on webcams:
“You got pics?”
“What are you hiding that you don’t want to send me nude pics?”
“I want to make sure you are not a man…!”
“You are so beautiful; I know you are the woman I want to be with!”
“Here! I’ll send you mines and you send me yours!”
The list goes on…and they are not stopping, it has turned into a game of collecting nude images instead of dating. The sad part is that these men presented themselves categorically and that is not respectful to ask for nude pics before asking their names.
What do I mean about categorically?
The men presented themselves in categories. These categories were set by their own doing and it was the label or presentation that they wanted the women to believe of them. The men said that they were:
Hardworking family men
Wanted children
Religious zeal church goers
Business men
Looking for a real woman
Looking for a career woman
Looking for a real relationship
Okay stop right there! I would love to address these in detail but I’ll save that for my video blog because I may have to go off on that one: Lil Wayne, you’re right, I’M ON ONE!
Everything these men said that they were or wanted on the site has yet to be their true motive. The truth is that most of them still don’t know what they want even at the ages of 37-48. As a matter of fact, they want everything wrapped up into one package and it must be similar to the old relationship that left them broken hearted. Their ideal woman is so imaginary that there is no woman on earth that can ever fill their life with love. They are not satisfied with the one woman idea and one woman cannot possibly be all of the imaginary characters that a man would like for her to be. Some of the men truly prefer that the women have non-black features like naturally straight hair, black big behind and lips, latino accent and hips, German height, slender Asian waistline, and Korean eyes. Yes, that brother is dreaming!
I wonder where the ideas of man that used to think that a woman was best when she seemed similar to his mother; as being the idea woman or that she cooks well and makes him happy by being his friend as well…I wonder where those ideas have gone?
I did not forget about the church-goers. These guys had so many hidden desires that God sees and knows yet they think they are hiding. They will pretend that they were holier than thou. They were speaking bible verses of God this and that; yet the bottom line will be that they want sex, even if it was a one night stand, and please don’t forget to send him the nude pics. They are not saying that women who are using birth control or who has her tubes tied are not the women for me because God said to procreate. They continue meeting her, then treat her bad later when they cannot get what they want-they want the stripper and tease act to manifest while hoping for the bible studying would stop soon so they can get down and boogie…if they are reading King James Version bible, it says clearly in the book of Romans that “…men and women have turned themselves away from natural things.” [I am not going to go deeper on this topic of religion and relationships at this moment. I rather do a debate in person and not on a blog.] I am just saying that a healthy relationship regardless of race or nationality is far more worth it than a relationship built on false dreams and expectations that are not truly pure in perspective of the relationship.
Men are not concerned with a woman’s intelligence, background information of where she came from, or any of the gifts that she can bring to the relationship. The background is very important for black men and women to get to know. It is how you will be able to address unresolved issues or explanations of the pains endured during the struggle of our people in America’s history and currently today. Our people have been pushing pain away and finding things to cover the pain for many years and so have other races of people but honestly, African Americans had a hard time in America’s beginning and the discriminating factors still exist to some degree. These quick remedies of suppressing feelings and denying who we are has not worked and are still not working. The households and individuals are walking in our communities with internal shrapnel from slavery, spousal abuse, lifestyles and upbringings, gangs and drugs, to not knowing how to engage in effective communication styles with others. This is the very reason of why these dating sites or anything else used online needs good communication factors and approaches. Without good communication, dating sites will not and cannot help the black man or woman find real love in an online environment (And yes, black men date non-black women and treat her just the same as he would a black woman-remember I said that they don’t know what they want in a woman but they want it all-that’s the point here, not race!)
Black people are not happy with their assimilated bent over backwards lifestyles. They do well by not complaining and doing their best that they can to just fit in with main stream society or to fit into their communities. Instead of writing an email to the dating site that says, “Hey the design of your site is not allowing me to express myself in my terms, everything is predesigned to fit certain terms that do not define me!” Most sites allow a minimum number of character keying spaces and it’s never enough to fully communicate. Chatrooms are fine; however both parties must meet in the chatroom and many users of the site do not have home computers. They are using their phones and cannot communicate with via the webcams and other helpful devices. There are a few phones that are pricy that will allow computer type features that will allow you to better connect on the online dating sites but if you are using a cheap phone, forget it! lol
The best thing for black people to do right now is just stop! Just stop what you are doing and regroup. Don’t text message how you feel, words need feelings when being expressed, you must add some eye contact or gestures. The texting is the best way to be misunderstood because some people have not purchased the pricy text unlimited and they can only text two lines and nothing more. Easily understood words like thanks, how are you, and have a good day works fine for texting; I need you to hear my point type of texting that leads to long paragraphs doesn’t work. The more you express your point, the more the interpreter or receiver will no understand and probably get upset and refuse to talk to you again over something that was not intented to be implied because a typo find its self in your texting.
Let go of all the things that causes you stress and address feelings before trying to text your feelings. It is time to be honest with self and start correcting and being responsible for actions, words, and deeds that one does to their self and to others. That is how the black relationships can build up and bond it self better. If a man doesn’t like a particular woman or vice versa, at least discuss your dislike so that each party can be heard then cut them off respectfully so you can still be friends. It is totally wrong to request children’s names or where you live to later say hey don’t text me or call me…you pretty much knew before hand of whether you or the other person was your cup of tea.
Money cannot build a relationship but honesty, friendship, endurance to stop running from situations and stick with each other during tough times, and being able to let go of relationships early that are not working is helpful and respectful.
People know that their relationship is not working prior to having sex and any other event that may take place in the start of the relationship.
If men and women, just take some time to think about this, things will get better:
With the many unplanned pregnancies and abortions that take place in America every day, when you look deep into the level of that friendship or relationship, I guarantee that one or more of the parties involved was dishonest. Dishonesty is killing the black relationship. People are trying to communicate with their bodies and not with their minds in good conversation and understanding in those conversations. Compassion is lost as they find that they are not attracted to each other but they irresponsibly engage in sex and continue the connection and then discredit one another on social sites like Facebook. They will request things from the relationship like: Money, come to my house, come to my church, let go to dinner, and invitations to their immediate circles of friends; which often leaves the women more so than men with hurt feelings when they find out that one or the other is not attracted to them in the way they had expected. No one likes to leave a relationship with their “why’s” not answered.
Love is out there for all and it does start within and it could happen by meeting on a dating site if both people set the right tone. Once people learn to be honest with their self then they’ll find that honesty is the best policy all around. It allows you to undo and remove yourself from unhealthy friendships and relationship without all the drama. It allows those persons to move beyond the meeting or relationship that is not working out and to find someone that is attracted to them and will mutually create a new happiness with them.
ABOUT THE YOUTUBE VIDEO:
Founder of the NOAP (Nation of All People Movement), Malign20 (Mandraki Rankin) is a hot new artist from the West Coast and the Mid-West. He understands the pains of dating for the black women and men. He is making strides to help the black community and all communities rebuild themselves with respect and support that they can have the lives that God intended and build better relationships…watch the video, hear his work, and check him out on YouTube, Facebook, Myspace, ReverbNation, and Twitter.
