Secret Weapon the Writer
Black People Are Not Meeting on BPM
Written by Secret Weapon the Writer
Everyone deserves a chance or two for love. The dating sites online are not producing that. The dating sites are doing great with making money; however creating happy endings for seekers of love, it’s not happening. There are some who find love on these sites for they have been honest in the beginning on the sites and that kept the relationship on the right path.
After studying 200 black men and what they expect from the dating sites, in the age range of 37-48, across America, it is clear that black men are surface driven. Even when trying to mask the idea of being surface driven (which some deny in being), they eventually get back around to that surface instead of the women’s true worth and value to the relationship.
What do I mean about surface?
I meant surface as being hair and skin color and the woman’s body. It was discovered that black men who say that they do not desire white women often are not being true on this. From this study, they are more attracted to a woman that has white women attributes more or less. Some of the men said that they wanted a black woman with natural hair and no make-up: The flip to this is that when they were presented with a choice between the two women of color, of which one had a permed hair style and the other woman had natural pulled back style to adorn her face, they never picked the naturally beautiful black woman. Each man had chosen the woman with the permed hair…some of those same men, didn’t even try to check the profile of the natural women. Yet they said that that is the type of woman they desired: A natural woman. Therefore a more natural choice outside of black women would be women who have to do less with their hair types and those who have naturally straight or wavy hair. I hope everyone knows that most African American women use perming of the hair and without it for some, the hair is going to be naturally curly not kinky as some people think. I had viewed a few hair strands under a microscope from African American women and the strands were not kinky or nappy, it was in a spiral.
Then the second big finding surfaced: Nudity, sexuality, sex for creation, sex for lunch and dinner.
The men on the websites asked for cell phone numbers and demanded nude photos before even asking what the woman’s name was. If you do not send them a nude or half dressed photo, they will not talk to you for a long time to build a real relationship. They’ll talk long enough to get the photo by any means and if they cannot get the photo, the hello baby stops immediately and on to the next one who will. It is ridiculous how all 200 men on the dating site would say these things to get women to send nude snap shots to cell phones or video sharing of their bodies on webcams:
- “You got pics?”
- “What are you hiding that you don’t want to send me nude pics?”
- “I want to make sure you are not a man…!”
- “You are so beautiful; I know you are the woman I want to be with!”
- “Here! I’ll send you mines and you send me yours!”
The list goes on…and they are not stopping, it has turned into a game of collecting nude images instead of dating. The sad part is that these men presented themselves categorically and that is not respectful to ask for nude pics before asking their names.
What do I mean about categorically?
The men presented themselves in categories. These categories were set by their own doing and it was the label or presentation that they wanted the women to believe of them. The men said that they were:
- Hardworking family men
- Wanted children
- Religious zeal church goers
- Business men
- Looking for a real woman
- Looking for a career woman
- Looking for a real relationship
Okay stop right there! I would love to address these in detail but I’ll save that for my video blog because I may have to go off on that one: Lil Wayne, you’re right, I’M ON ONE!
Everything these men said that they were or wanted on the site has yet to be their true motive. The truth is that most of them still don’t know what they want even at the ages of 37-48. As a matter of fact, they want everything wrapped up into one package and it must be similar to the old relationship that left them broken hearted. Their ideal woman is so imaginary that there is no woman on earth that can ever fill their life with love. They are not satisfied with the one woman idea and one woman cannot possibly be all of the imaginary characters that a man would like for her to be. Some of the men truly prefer that the women have non-black features like naturally straight hair, black big behind and lips, latino accent and hips, German height, slender Asian waistline, and Korean eyes. Yes, that brother is dreaming!
I wonder where the ideas of man that used to think that a woman was best when she seemed similar to his mother; as being the idea woman or that she cooks well and makes him happy by being his friend as well…I wonder where those ideas have gone?
I did not forget about the church-goers. These guys had so many hidden desires that God sees and knows yet they think they are hiding. They will pretend that they were holier than thou. They were speaking bible verses of God this and that; yet the bottom line will be that they want sex, even if it was a one night stand, and please don’t forget to send him the nude pics. They are not saying that women who are using birth control or who has her tubes tied are not the women for me because God said to procreate. They continue meeting her, then treat her bad later when they cannot get what they want-they want the stripper and tease act to manifest while hoping for the bible studying would stop soon so they can get down and boogie…if they are reading King James Version bible, it says clearly in the book of Romans that “…men and women have turned themselves away from natural things.” [I am not going to go deeper on this topic of religion and relationships at this moment. I rather do a debate in person and not on a blog.] I am just saying that a healthy relationship regardless of race or nationality is far more worth it than a relationship built on false dreams and expectations that are not truly pure in perspective of the relationship.
Men are not concerned with a woman’s intelligence, background information of where she came from, or any of the gifts that she can bring to the relationship. The background is very important for black men and women to get to know. It is how you will be able to address unresolved issues or explanations of the pains endured during the struggle of our people in America’s history and currently today. Our people have been pushing pain away and finding things to cover the pain for many years and so have other races of people but honestly, African Americans had a hard time in America’s beginning and the discriminating factors still exist to some degree. These quick remedies of suppressing feelings and denying who we are has not worked and are still not working. The households and individuals are walking in our communities with internal shrapnel from slavery, spousal abuse, lifestyles and upbringings, gangs and drugs, to not knowing how to engage in effective communication styles with others. This is the very reason of why these dating sites or anything else used online needs good communication factors and approaches. Without good communication, dating sites will not and cannot help the black man or woman find real love in an online environment (And yes, black men date non-black women and treat her just the same as he would a black woman-remember I said that they don’t know what they want in a woman but they want it all-that’s the point here, not race!)
Black people are not happy with their assimilated bent over backwards lifestyles. They do well by not complaining and doing their best that they can to just fit in with main stream society or to fit into their communities. Instead of writing an email to the dating site that says, “Hey the design of your site is not allowing me to express myself in my terms, everything is predesigned to fit certain terms that do not define me!” Most sites allow a minimum number of character keying spaces and it’s never enough to fully communicate. Chatrooms are fine; however both parties must meet in the chatroom and many users of the site do not have home computers. They are using their phones and cannot communicate with via the webcams and other helpful devices. There are a few phones that are pricy that will allow computer type features that will allow you to better connect on the online dating sites but if you are using a cheap phone, forget it! lol
The best thing for black people to do right now is just stop! Just stop what you are doing and regroup. Don’t text message how you feel, words need feelings when being expressed, you must add some eye contact or gestures. The texting is the best way to be misunderstood because some people have not purchased the pricy text unlimited and they can only text two lines and nothing more. Easily understood words like thanks, how are you, and have a good day works fine for texting; I need you to hear my point type of texting that leads to long paragraphs doesn’t work. The more you express your point, the more the interpreter or receiver will no understand and probably get upset and refuse to talk to you again over something that was not intented to be implied because a typo find its self in your texting.
Let go of all the things that causes you stress and address feelings before trying to text your feelings. It is time to be honest with self and start correcting and being responsible for actions, words, and deeds that one does to their self and to others. That is how the black relationships can build up and bond it self better. If a man doesn’t like a particular woman or vice versa, at least discuss your dislike so that each party can be heard then cut them off respectfully so you can still be friends. It is totally wrong to request children’s names or where you live to later say hey don’t text me or call me…you pretty much knew before hand of whether you or the other person was your cup of tea.
Money cannot build a relationship but honesty, friendship, endurance to stop running from situations and stick with each other during tough times, and being able to let go of relationships early that are not working is helpful and respectful.
People know that their relationship is not working prior to having sex and any other event that may take place in the start of the relationship.
If men and women, just take some time to think about this, things will get better:
With the many unplanned pregnancies and abortions that take place in America every day, when you look deep into the level of that friendship or relationship, I guarantee that one or more of the parties involved was dishonest. Dishonesty is killing the black relationship. People are trying to communicate with their bodies and not with their minds in good conversation and understanding in those conversations. Compassion is lost as they find that they are not attracted to each other but they irresponsibly engage in sex and continue the connection and then discredit one another on social sites like Facebook. They will request things from the relationship like: Money, come to my house, come to my church, let go to dinner, and invitations to their immediate circles of friends; which often leaves the women more so than men with hurt feelings when they find out that one or the other is not attracted to them in the way they had expected. No one likes to leave a relationship with their “why’s” not answered.
Love is out there for all and it does start within and it could happen by meeting on a dating site if both people set the right tone. Once people learn to be honest with their self then they’ll find that honesty is the best policy all around. It allows you to undo and remove yourself from unhealthy friendships and relationship without all the drama. It allows those persons to move beyond the meeting or relationship that is not working out and to find someone that is attracted to them and will mutually create a new happiness with them.
ABOUT THE YOUTUBE VIDEO:
Founder of the NOAP (Nation of All People Movement), Malign20 (Mandraki Rankin) is a hot new artist from the West Coast and the Mid-West. He understands the pains of dating for the black women and men. He is making strides to help the black community and all communities rebuild themselves with respect and support that they can have the lives that God intended and build better relationships…watch the video, hear his work, and check him out on YouTube, Facebook, Myspace, ReverbNation, and Twitter.